Users of chat rooms, message boards, blogs, and social networking sites reported several alleged attacks just after four o’clock this morning, a time that is debated to even exist. Many described the scene as “enviable mayhem”.

Anita Date was on a social networking site when it was attacked, “It was like so just like totally like awful. I mean, you know, like, I was, like chatting with, like, you know, my boyfriend, like, ya. And like then this, like, totally not cool person, like, joined the convo like. And they were like ‘klok mok sothlock nok yak’ and like then they like pressed a trigger and like all I saw was ‘BOOM!’. I had to like crawl under my desk, so I would like be like safe.”

Nerdy authorities believe ‘Klok mok sothlock nok yak’ means “Praise be to the great Twinkie” in a crude Klingon dialect spoken in some episodes of Star Trek that they went on and on about.

A spokes person for the spokes person for the governor has announced that the spokes person for the governor will release a statement shortly regarding what he plans to have his spokes person tell the media about the situation.

“After today’s cyber carnage the world will never be the same,” Congresswoman Lavette Intoleray said after rushing to news cameras. “The people need not browse in fear. Change is here. Your government will insure that blog posts are monitored carefully and that online sales taxes are levied. This will lead us to the capture of those virtual suicide bombers that may still be lurking in the Internet’s shadow.”