A new strain of flu has been detected by world renowned scientists at Conolia University that is said to threaten the very existence of man . . . oops . . . human-kind as we know it.Dr. Panicklowsky heads up the team that found the strain. “We ran out of animals to blame for starting new strains, so we’re calling this one SwineBirdCowCatDog Flu. I’m sure one of those animals started it.”
Panicklowsky is convinced that this strain will lead to the extinction of humans. Symptoms of the flu include coughing, sneezing, crying, panic attacks, the feeling that one must riot, itching, swelling of the hair, the impulse to dance like a monkey, an overall feeling of euphoria, and global warming.
The CCDC (Conolia Center of Disease Control) denies that such a strain exists. “Do you know how many cases of SwineBirdCowCatDog Flu we’ve seen?” a CCDC spokesperson asked during a press conference earlier this week. “Zero. We are convinced that Dr. Panicklowsky has made this strain up because he hasn’t seen his name in a Conolia News article in a while and just wants some attention.”
Dr. Panicklowsky’s doomsday predictions are frequent and have never been accurate. Yet, scientists and academia continue to backup his claims so there must be validity to them.
