Dr. Finkleburger of Conolia University has made a tremendous discovery during research on global warming. His study shows that government workers are in danger of a disease called bureaucracitis.
Bureaucracitis is the inflammation of bureaucracy. It starts out small, but eventually turns deadly. When explaining the disease, Dr. Finkleburger told us, “It is serious. One of the long term side effects is tax delinquency.”
Symptoms of the disease include tardiness and perpetually longer lunch breaks, the need to ask for forms in the most trivial circumstances, and the inability to organize mass amounts of paper.
“It is organized at first,” Dr. Finkleburger explained. “But then you start getting more forms than you can file. So you file a form to get an assistant to help with the filing, but that form can’t be filed until the others are. You file a request for permission to get a storage unit [for the files], but it has to be reviewed by a commission.”
JJ Burea, who was so obsessed he changed his name after coming down with the disease, has struggled with bureaucracitis for two months. “My apartment was covered with forms,” he told us in an exclusive interview. “All the wonderful organization became chaos, not to mention the fire hazard. I hired a consultant, who outsourced the problem to India. It’s a self-perpetuating nightmare.”
Burea was later arrested for arson after setting fire to the files that covered his apartment. He hopes to become like that guy in Shawshank Redemption.