Conolia.com
Welcome
Arrest Made in Balloon Dog Fighting Scandal
News
Boulder, CO - Mick Vichael, quarterback for the Conolia University Conolians’ football team, was arrested today on charges of hosting and sponsoring balloon animal dog fighting.

“These fights were vicious,” Officer Copper, spokesman for the Conolia Police Department told us. “According to eye-witness accounts, the balloon animals would often end up either deflated or even popped during these fights. These balloon animals were created and trained to attack and kill.” According to reports, all balloon dogs left standing, even the winners, were executed by being popped with a needle.

Charges were brought against Vichael after an investigation was led by PALE (People Against Latex Entertainers) when a 7-year-old girl was attacked by a balloon dog. “She was walking home from school when she saw a balloon on the sidewalk,” Jennifer Donohoe, co-founder of PALE, said. “She thought it was just a regular balloon, so she went to pick it up. By the time she realized it was bent in the shape of dog, it was too late. The experience left the poor girl traumatized and disfigured.”

PALE was able to connect the stray balloon dog that attacked the child to the home of Vichael. They called the police and upon their arrival, they found clear evidence of balloon dog fighting.

“There were balloon scraps everywhere,” Copper said after the arrest was made.

Police say the balloonist who created the balloon dogs is still at large and considered extremely dangerous.

Vichael was released on bail and is scheduled to appear in court at a later time.

News stories posted on this site are presented as satire. Any attempt to take them seriously is the reader's problem and not the responsibility of Conolia or its writers.