After years of research and several billion dollars in government subsidized funding, Professor Obvioso of Conolia University has reached a surprising conclusion: eating too much food can cause mild to severe obesity.The study revealed that people who ate too much and/or ate nothing but junk food and those who spent most of their free time in front of video games and/or TV gained weight while those who exercised regularly and ate healthy diets maintained or even lost weight.
“The results were shocking,” Professor Obvioso told us. “I really didn’t expect this kind of result. Now, where are my mittens?”
Carnie McGruel, the University cafeteria’s head “chef” disagreed with the findings. “Everybody knows that obesity is caused by depression, smoking, Al Gore, and bad childhoods. This is just an attempt by academia to scare kids away from my food! I do a fine enough job of that without their help!”
Despite the findings, Obvioso does not expect eating habits to change any time soon.
