Some will tell you that a chupacabra is a mythical creature conjured up by parents in Latin America to scare kids into behaving, much like the Boogey Man. However, people in Cuero, TX might tell you differently.According to the Associated Press, Phylis Canion scraped up some road kill of what she believes to be a Chupacabra, which translates to “goat sucker”. Not long after her first find, she scraped up two more. These foul creatures are believed by the superstitious to be the reason for livestock turning up dead with the blood sucked right out of them.
Dr. Paniklowsky of Conolia University is convinced of our impending doom due to these monsters. “Canion was able to find three in July. That’s over triple the amount found in the previous month. At this rate, by my calculations, we should see the population of chupacabras increase to around 530,000 next year in Texas alone. Texas is doomed. Never mind global warming. We are about to be overrun by goat suckers. We must all panic!”
Despite Dr. Paniklowsky’s predictions of death by chupacabras, the citizens of Texas seem unconcerned by the threat. Workers in San Antonio continue to go about their everyday lives; many unaware of the road kill findings just 80 miles away.
However, the threat does not go completely unnoticed. Undisclosed sources with no ties to the Dallas Cowboy’s organization have said that the Cowboy’s season opener against the New York Giants will be dedicated to the victims of the chupacabra.