A Conolia University study shows that starvation causes death. Researchers discovered that when the body does not get the fuel it requires from nutritional food, the body will give out and cease to work. "We found that people were panicking over recent news stories, " Professor Smartipants, the lead researcher on the study, told us. "They were hearing how coffee, artificial sweeteners, fatty foods, non-fatty foods, soft drinks, eggs, carbs, meat, vegetables and just about everything caused some soft of health problem. Their only fall back seemed to be red wine."
But tragically, news broke out that red wine (and other alcoholic beverages) causes bowel cancer. "That pushed many over the edge, " Smartipants reveals. "They quit eating all together for fear they would die."
After numerous reports of death among those who feared food, the University began to research the problem. "It turns out that not eating is more dangerous than eating," Smartipants informed us. "One-hundred percent of those who stopped eating began to show side effects of death. Who would have thought?"
The University has strongly recommended that people continue to eat a nutritional diet despite the other studies they may hear.