Conolia University has drunkenly tripped over an interesting theory. According to their report released earlier this week, beer was first introduced in ancient Egypt by the Egyptian god, Osiris. "How does one get from grain to beer?" a professor, using the handle name Smarty, of the University asked. "Can you really believe that someone came upon the recipe to beer by accident? I don't think so!".

So how did this process come to be among us? The University believes it has evidence suggesting that Osiris was actually an alien, not a god. "We believe Osiris is an acronym, " Smarty told us. "Outer Space Intergalatic Rulers In Somolia." When asked why Somolia and not Egypt, he answered, "Oh, it's close enough! Geesh!".

The report also went on to reveal why these aliens introduced beer to our world. The theory states that beer was distributed among the Egyptians in order to keep them disoriented and indifferent to the slavery they were forced to endure. The reward of beer made these slaves complacent while building palaces and pyramids. It also served to keep beer goggles on the slaves so that they would continue to believe that the aliens were beautiful gods and goddesses.

So, there you have it. The origins of beer, the same beverage you spill on the person sitting in front of you at football games, dates clear back to ancient Egypt. At least it does . . . here on Earth . . .